haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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