i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
