somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
