Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
