Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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