I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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