for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
