he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
