i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
