scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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