is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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