dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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