The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
