it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
