; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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