I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
