i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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