i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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