I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
