i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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