Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
