I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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