some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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