It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize