Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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