I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
