I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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