where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sobbing to NWA
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize