I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My ATM looks so different sober.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
