turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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