your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
