you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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