trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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