Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
