You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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