Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
