So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
