This girl is more easily done than said...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
