cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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