Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
