I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
