I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
