Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
