He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
