Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
