The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
