Michael Bay diarrhea
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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