Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
