I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
