id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize