I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
