well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
