I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
