The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
