Sponge bath it is.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
