Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My penis needs a shock collar
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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