im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
