i just wanna soil my oats bro
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
