Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
