whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
