There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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