Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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