When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize