slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
