Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
