if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
