yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
